By Mayson Brauer MS, LPC/sup / Outpatient Therapist | September 2, 2026
Black and white thinking or thinking in absolutes can lead to distressing emotions because it sets the precedent that you or “it” needs to be perfect. You leave no room for the grey area, when most life situations deserve emotional flexibility. Examples of absolute thinking include “always” or “never” statements.
Now, how to avoid black and white thinking? A therapeutic technique that the therapists at Ensō Mental Health are trained in is DBT. DBT stands for Dialectical Behavioral Therapy. You will learn four core skills: Mindfulness, Distress Tolerance, Emotion Regulation, and Interpersonal Effectiveness. DBT helps teach people to avoid thinking only in black and white or absolutes (i.e., good or bad, or right or wrong). An example of when thinking in absolutes can be harmful is, “If I fail this exam, then that means I am a worthless student.” See how there can be room for ‘the grey.’ You are more than likely not a “worthless student,” but rather you just had a bad exam.
Dialectical means two things that seem opposite or seem to contradict one another can be true at the same time. A common example of this is being sad that something ended and being relieved it is over. In other words, this means avoiding black-and-white thinking and finding the middle ground (or the balance between the two sides). Let’s think back to the ‘worthless student’ example: “I failed this exam and I am disappointed, and I am still a smart person. I will learn from this and move forward.”
Thinking in dialects is beneficial and can help with negative emotions, because when we think in absolutes it is like the two sides are at war with each other. It can become stressful, anxiety evoking, and/or frustrating when you are not able to fit the current situation or feelings into already made up constructs (good or bad). This leaves no room for nuance, therefore the negative feelings start to seep through.
DBT fosters the ability to accept and validate your feelings while embracing change. It also gives you easy to use coping skills that can be used in everyday situations when you are feeling emotionally heightened. Here are some common DBT skills that can help with panic, anxiety, stress, and many other emotions that may be hard to handle in the moment:
The TIPP Skill
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Temperature – This quickly lowers your body temperature by submerging your face in cold water for no more than 30 seconds. If you are not able to submerge your face in water, splashing cold water up on your face can suffice. This lowers your body temperature and reduces your heart rate that was raised due to emotional distress.
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Intense Exercise – This helps eliminate excessive, built-up energy/adrenaline from the emotional distress. An example of this can be push-ups, jumping jacks, a brisk walk, or squats. The goal is to be able to do it easily and quickly (it is not a full 45 minute workout; something that can be done in a few minutes).
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Paced Breathing – When you are in emotional distress, your breathing may become shallow and dysregulated. Try Box Breathing (inhale for 2-4 seconds, hold for 4 seconds, and exhale for 4-6 seconds). Slowing your breath down can help you feel more regulated.
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Progressive Muscle Relaxation – This helps your body and muscles relax, which in turn will make you feel more relaxed and regulated. There are two phases to this. 1) Tensing: While taking a breath in through your nose, firmly tense the specific muscle group. 2) Release: Exhale while relaxing or releasing the muscle group. Start from your toes and feet and work your way up to your head; feet/toes, calves, thighs, glutes, abdomen, chest, back, hands, forearms/biceps, shoulders, neck, face, eyes.
While this provides a brief introduction to the principles of DBT, we encourage you to utilize these tools as necessary. Should your emotional state feel overwhelming, please reach out for professional support or clinical guidance. Ultimately, the objective is to cultivate enough emotional regulation and internal balance so that the frequency of emotional distress—and the subsequent reliance on these interventions—naturally diminishes over time.
Ready to find your balance? If absolute thinking or intense emotions are feeling overwhelming, you don’t have to navigate them alone. Reach out to Mayson, one of our DBT specialists at Ensō Mental Health, today at 605-519-5850 or schedule an appointment online to start building your emotional toolkit and navigating life’s grey areas.
Mayson Brauer is an outpatient therapist at Ensō Mental Health. She earned her Master’s in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from South Dakota State University and brings diverse clinical experience from psychiatric residential treatment, child welfare, and medical center settings. Mayson specializes in supporting teens, young adults, and adults navigating complex trauma, crisis, life transitions, and severe anxiety or depression. Utilizing an integrative approach that draws on DBT, person-centered, and psychodynamic theories, she is also trained in Brainspotting (Phases 1 and 2). Mayson is dedicated to providing a deeply safe, collaborative space where clients can process difficult experiences, build resilience, and improve their overall quality of life.
- Overcoming Black-and-White Thinking With DBT - September 2, 2026
