By Haley Keizer M.S. / Outpatient Therapist | November 24, 2025
The holiday season often arrives wrapped in bright lights, cheerful music, and an unspoken expectation that everyone should feel joyful. But for many people, December is one of the hardest times of the year.
When you’re grieving the loss of someone you love, whether that loss is recent or years old, the holidays can stir up complicated emotions that don’t fit neatly into a festive atmosphere. If you’re navigating grief this season, it doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you. It means you’re human. Grief does not follow a calendar, and it certainly doesn’t pause because holiday decorations are up.
Why Grief Feels Heavier in December
Grief tends to intensify around the holidays for a few key reasons:
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Traditions highlight the absence. Holiday routines often revolve around people we love. When someone is missing, the contrast is sharp and painful.
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Expectations feel impossible. Society pushes a narrative of joy, connection, and celebration. When your heart doesn’t match that story, it can feel isolating or like you’re “failing” the holiday.
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Memories are everywhere. Sights, smells, rituals, and songs can bring back vivid memories—both comforting and gut-wrenching.
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Slower schedules bring more emotional space. With time off work or school, the feelings you’ve been pushing aside may surface more strongly.
Knowing why grief intensifies doesn’t make it disappear, but it can help you understand that your reactions are normal, not a setback.
Permission to Feel What You Feel
One of the most healing things you can offer yourself is permission to feel your emotions without judgment.
You don’t have to perform happiness to make others comfortable. You don’t have to attend every gathering. You don’t have to pretend you’re “okay” if you aren’t.
Grief is not a linear process. Some days you may feel steady and grounded. Others may surprise you with waves of sadness or anger. All of it is allowed. All of it is part of the way your heart continues to love someone who is no longer physically here.
Try giving yourself a few gentle reminders:
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“It makes sense that this is hard.”
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“Missing them doesn’t mean I can’t also enjoy parts of the holiday.”
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“I’m allowed to take this slow.”
Holding space for your full emotional experience, without pressure or expectations, is one of the healthiest ways to cope.
Create New Traditions That Honor Your Grief
Holidays often revolve around tradition, which can be painful when things are no longer the way they used to be. Instead of forcing yourself to maintain every old routine, consider creating new traditions that honor your loved one or reflect where you are now.
Here are some ideas:
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Light a candle in their memory during a holiday meal.
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Cook a dish they loved or taught you to make.
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Set aside a moment to share stories about them with family or friends.
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Write them a letter, expressing what you miss or what you wish they could see in your life now.
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Donate or volunteer in their honor.
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Visit a meaningful place, even briefly, to ground yourself in connection.
These small rituals can help you acknowledge your grief instead of avoiding it, while still allowing space for moments of peace, connection, and even joy.
Let Yourself Say No
You are not obligated to attend every gathering, host events, or take part in traditions that feel overwhelming. Grief requires energy – emotional, mental, and physical – and it’s okay if your capacity is lower this year.
You can use clear, gentle phrases like:
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“I’m not up for that right now, but thank you for inviting me.”
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“I’ll come for a short time, but I might leave early.”
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“I need a quiet day this year.”
Setting boundaries isn’t selfish. It’s self-protection. And most importantly, it ensures that the parts of the holiday you do choose to participate in feel more manageable and meaningful.
Seek Support—You Don’t Have to Do This Alone
Grief thrives in isolation. Even though it may feel easier to withdraw, reaching out to trusted people can be deeply grounding. Whether it’s a friend, partner, family member, support group, or therapist, connection creates space to share your memories, your sadness, and your needs.
If you’re finding that the holidays intensify feelings of depression, loneliness, anxiety, or numbness, therapy can help you process the complex emotions that arise and build tools to navigate the season in a more compassionate way.
Grief during the holidays is not a personal failing, it’s a reflection of how deeply you’ve loved. There is no right way to feel, no correct pace for healing, and no expectation you must meet. Let this season be one where you give yourself permission to move gently, make space for your emotions, and find moments of connection and comfort where you can.
If this season feels heavy, you’re not alone. We’re here to support you in whatever way you need. Schedule an appointment at Ensō Mental Health to see how we can support you on your path to healing.
